As I left Nashville I was thinking a lot about what's changed for me over the past few months; how I've grown, in what ways I feel different. Some days it smacks me in the face (like when I get in the car on my way to Detroit barely knowing the plan.) Sometimes it shows itself more subtly (like when I no longer feel a sense of dread when I enter a social situation.)
Tonight, in one of my many convoluted internal dialogues, I thought to myself,
"Why didn't I go on spontaneous trips when I lived in Boston?"
And I have come up with no good answer other than...
"I would have rather been home."
I never thought that dismantling the structures I had worked so hard to create would result in the exact effect I had hoped to get from creating those structures in the first place. I feel relaxed and open to every interaction I have with people throughout my day. I never feel like I'm too busy for anyone or anything. This slow down allows me to experience things differently.
Tonight I keep thinking about why I've never applied some of the these things to my "real life." And then I realized... this is my real life. So much of what has changed for me is a product of me making a change. So here are a few examples:
Boston Kate would not have liked going somewhere on a whim.
Boston Kate would not have liked changing a plan.
Boston Kate would come up with any excuse to get out of the vague possibility of social unease.
Boston Kate said no a lot .
But alas, this new version of me is easy to accomplish with no obligations. So again, I extrapolate to when I pick a city and decide to stay. How do I accomplish this level of semi-enlightenment when I have the strain of a daily routine?
I think it will be important to remember that Boston Kate doesn't have to be different than Nashville Kate or Austin Kate or LA Kate etc. etc. etc. The beauty of this can be taking pieces of who I am in each of these cities to make my favorite version of myself.
A bit corny, sure? But that's Nashville Kate for ya.