At some point along the way, I lost my gusto for making videos. It's never good when a fun, creative thing starts to feel like work. But there is also a fine line between naturally moving away from a project/idea and just flat out giving up because it's hard. I was in the latter category and I didn't want to let myself get away with that. So I'm resolute in the continuation of making videos through my very last stop (however long it takes!)
Sometimes, it's nice for something to be exactly what you thought it would be. I knew I would have fun in L.A. I knew it would be an "easy" place to live because I already knew people there. Heck, I had already visited multiple times! I had spent many nights in the apartment I would now call home for the next two months. I knew I would clear my normal hurdles seamlessly. After a long trip from Austin, driving into LA almost felt like going home. It came at the perfect time in the arc of this trip. I was tired of being on the road and ready to have a semblance of stability.
How do you uproot your life more than quitting your job and living in different cities for 2 months at a time? You live in four different places within that city for two months! Sounds terrible, right? Yeah well, I made a lot of mistakes in Austin.
It's been three months since I landed in Nashville. Confused, anxious, and very sweaty, I never imagined I'd be so sad to go.
The first few weeks were rough. I wanted to leave so badly. I thought I had made a huge mistake with this trip. That trying to "settle" in a place for only 2 months was a ludicrous idea. I had very little work to do, very few contacts, and very little confidence that I had made the right decision. Anxiety... now that I had in spades. I spent a lot of time making excuses for why I didn't like the city, turns out that's a thing I do when I get to a new place (I'll save that for another post.)
As I left Nashville I was thinking a lot about what's changed for me over the past few months; how I've grown, in what ways I feel different. Some days it smacks me in the face (like when I get in the car on my way to Detroit barely knowing the plan.) Sometimes it shows itself more subtly (like when I no longer feel a sense of dread when I enter a social situation.)